We all know that dogs are pack animals, like their wild cousins. Canines were probably domesticated so easily because the human hunter-gatherer group dynamic was similar enough to a pack structure to feel comfortable to them. In our modern world, when a family adopts Toby-dog, he adopts the family right back as his surrogate pack.
The single-family home is probably even closer to a wild wolf pack, in some ways, than the extended human clan of long ago. There is a single mated pair that reproduces. Most other members of the group are their offspring of various ages. In some cases, an older, non-reproducing adult (grandma or grandpa) also lives there. So, it’s pretty easy for Toby-dog to figure out relationships.
Allowing Toby to observe the family hierarchy and come to his own conclusions can create problems, though. If Toby is adopted as a puppy, he will probably consider he is on equal footing with the other puppies — the kids. So, he can treat them in the same rough-and-tumble fashion as he did his littermates. If he’s adopted as an adult dog, he may consider that his status is above the “cubs” and think he is entitled to discipline them when they don’t show him the proper respect.
These are probably NOT the same views held by the humans of the household. A dog in a household of humans must to be taught to obey all the two-leggers — even the kids. Both adults and children can easily teach Toby that they are dominant — and without any confrontation or force! Just show Toby that the HUMANS control the RESOURCES. That means to get anything he wants/needs: food, water, treats, toys, attention, petting, play, going outside, coming inside, getting in a lap/on the furniture… Toby has to follow a simple command (like SIT) before the human gives it to him! There are other issues to be addressed, of course, but that’s the idea in a nutshell!
It’s especially important for the truly “only dog” who lives as a surrogate child in a household of one or two adults to learn this. It’s too easy to give Toby the idea that he is the King of the Castle! In canine society, the dominant dog doesn’t solicit attention — only the lower-ranking animals lick faces and beg to be noticed. So, if “his” humans lavish him with “loving” — very natural to us — he gets the idea that he’s Mr. Big-and-Most-Important, because all the other “dogs” are fawning over him. Oops!
I’m not saying we can’t kiss and cuddle our dogs! I’m just suggesting that we need to balance it with making Toby “work” for our attention. There’s nothing punitive about asking Toby to SIT (on the floor) before he gets up in your lap! It’s good manners! Just like we teach our human kids to say “Please” and “Thank you” we need to do the same with our dogs!
In one way, no matter how many humans are in the household, if Toby is the only dog it’s going to create other socialization issues. Think of it this way, a baby is taken from his parents in one country and raised by foster parents in another. When he meets someone from his “native land” as an adult, he will not understand their language or customs and may give offense without meaning to do so. Humans, no matter what their age, don’t interact the same way as another dog would, so Toby needs to be taught how to speak “adult Doglish” by meeting with other dogs of all ages.
I’ve gone on long enough today, and will return to this topic tomorrow. I just really want to stress how important getting your newly adopted dog out of your house and into some interactions with “his own kind” is! It’s every bit as important as socializing him to lots of different humans. And socialization needs to happen both inside and outside the home.